With shelves brimming with books on pick-up artistry, seduction, and self-help with women, 10 Ways has the refreshing notes of honesty. It is a book for men who want a genuine relationship, who want to win the girl of their dreams.
There’s a quote about dating from a sitcom that this book brought to mind, “Do you want to keep playing, or do you want to win?” Deception may work for casual one night stands, but it will never have the steam to go the distance. When you meet the right woman there is no question, you want to win, and to do that you need the genuine article.
The author draws on his experience in pursuing his own wife and what he had to do to win her heart. Each chapter of the book takes you through a step in the process.
Here are a few of the things I took away from the book:
Be Clear on What You Want
Everyone has a general idea of the girl they want to marry, but it’s usually in a description of their appearance. You should be attracted to the girl you want to marry, but it shouldn’t be the only thing.
The author suggests making a list of what qualities you would need in a future wife. Not necessarily minor characteristics, but the things that are important to you. If you are a farmer, you would need a wife that shares that passion. For example, if raise beef cattle for slaughter, a vegan might not be the best wife.
Lose the Ego
Good guy or not, pride can manage to get in the way of a lot in life, if you let it. Before a man can share his heart with a woman, he needs to love himself less. Narcism is not attractive, not in men or women. Sharing a meal should be about getting to know each other, not bragging about yourself.
Our dating world tends to be casual. When pursuing the girl of your dreams, that isn’t going to cut it.
It has definition and structure. Girls hate when a guy asks to “hang out.” What does that mean? It’s generally interrupted as, “I want to spend time with you, but I don’t want to commit.”
– Kris Wolfe
If a girl is going to seriously consider a man, she wants to know that he is serious. It’s deciding that you don’t want to play, you want to win.
The author observes that men tend to compliment impersonally, saying things like, “That’s a cool jacket.” instead of, “I like your jacket.” Women tend to compliment personally, “I love your purse!”
A genuine compliment is an observation of an identity, a truth within her that reaches past the surface and into her heart.
– Kris Wolfe
Rather than flattery, which does nothing more than fluff the ego, giving a girl a genuine compliment shows her something you appreciate about her identity and character. It’s moving beyond mere physical appearance, “You’re gorgeous.” to saying something about who she is.
Here at farmingthedream.com, we are advocates of living the Dream, but what is it’s use if you’re doing it alone? This book is an excellent reminder of what a good guy is supposed to look like, and why a good girl should settle for nothing less.